And reality hits....

There was a farewell dinner at my house tonight with my dad's side of the family. Sigh.. I never knew it would be this hard to say goodbye. My whole life, I never thought I would go to *jengjengjeng* Australia. Like, urgh right? Hahah! In fact, I never thought I'd do my degree outside of Malaysia. And here I am, just a week before flying to what would have been my most dreaded country if I had been asked this two years ago.

They were all saying their goodbyes, shaking hands, ladies would give me hugs, give me lui, give me advice. The best advice I heard tonight was from Aunty Pidang. I was sitting in the patio with the mums and the married. When someone goes off to another country like Aussie, they'll never fail to say "Jangan jangan nanti kamu bawa orang putih balik" and then they'd all burst into laughter even though that sentence is so cliche and overused. Lol. Then suddenly Aunty Pidang puts on a serious face and says to me, "No lah. No, no. I don't allow. I don't like you to bring back orang putih. Later susah mok cakap dengan dia". Sigh, true true. But not wrong to tengok-tengok scouting dolok.. right, aunty? Hahah. Then before she left, she came over to shake hands with me. She was real happy and all, telling me to look after myself, wishing me luck, bla bla... then put on that serious face again. "Remember what I said to you just now. Really.... don't bring back orang putih" Hah! Oh how I wish she was joking.......... =s

And Lydia! The sweet thing. She bought me a farewell gift but she was too shy to give it to me I think, so she passed to my sister to pass to me while I was 'slaving away' in the kitchen. So now, I have 2 new pairs of earings and a Kinder Joy to munch on =) I think I'm going to miss hearing her screams and shouts almost everyday at my house playing with my sister =))

I remember the last piece of advice my grandmother gave me back in Kuching. She told me, if I were to ever find a special someone over in Aus, I must tell her and bring him back to meet her. Then she launched her story of how she and my grandpa got together and eventually got married. Apparently, they were both from villages of opposite sides of a mountain. I thought of digging deeper and asking about the cheesy stuff but.. nah. Backed out in the end. Hahah. My grandpa said the same thing. Told me to bring my uni friends back to see the kampung, see how people live there. Ah! I'll miss them lots =(

I'll miss my family (both pets included), I'll miss using the beach way back home because the main road is too straight and boring, I'll miss the beautiful brown colour of the sea water, I'll miss the constant nagging ( or narcissistic drone as the great Leonard Hofstadter puts it lol ) from my parents hahah, I'll miss local food!! satayyyyy! noodle with beef tendon at 9to5, SOHO!, picking my sister up everyday from school and occasionally taking her out for ice cream after, picking and sending my brother to tuition, buying cheap pirated dvds, horrible Miri roads (they don't make sense) and much much more. sigh....

But it's not like I won't be back right? =)

Aussie better get ready.... >=)

The Power of Your Name

It's already cool that Lincoln Brewster featured Darlene Zschech in "The Power of Your Name" on his latest album "Today is the Day", but when I listened to it properly.... Yeah yeah, I know. Only after a week since I borrowed it, I listen to it. Heh.

Anyhoo, goes something like this.

~~

Surely children weren't made for the streets,
And father's were not made to leave,
Surely this isn't how it should be,
Let Your kingdom come.

Surely nations were not made for war,
Or the broken meant to be ignored,
Surely this just can't be what You saw,
Let Your kingdom come,
Here in my heart.

(Cho)
I will live,
To carry Your compassion,
To love a world that's broken,
To be Your hands and feet,
I will give,
With the life that I've been given,
And go beyond religion,
To see the world be changed,
By the power of Your name.

Surely life wasn't made to regret,
And the lost were not made to forget,
Surely faith without action is dead,
Let Your kingdom come,
Lord break this heart.

(Bridge)
Your name,
Is a shelter for the hurting,
Jesus Your name,
Is a refuge for the weak,
Only Your name,
Can redeem the undeserving,
Jesus Your name,
Holds everything I need.

~~

Argh. What else can I say. The chorus blew my mind away. To go beyond religion.

NgaaaaahhhhHHH

I need to be a part of this generation, along with everything it comes with.

Stay

So addicted to this song Stay by Estrella. It's not even that great but but..... its sho sweeeeet!

All my sorrows flew away

Hush, keep quiet, hear me say

I don't ever want you to go

Please stay

With the moonlight dancing free

And there's no one but you and me

There's no reason to go astray

Please stay.

I'm so jiwang now. Argh. Here we go again. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Yoohoo

Things have been so weird lately. The two landslides that have happened in Miri. For the sake of those who aren't in Miri, it's been raining like what like everyday gloom doom meh im so sad i can't go jogging im putting on sooo much weight.... And yeah, apparantly it's made the soil soft or something and the first one half buried a Shell petrol station along with two Indonesians, poor things. I mean, imagine dying without knowing Him and knowing where you'll be when you get to other side. And sometimes I disgust myself talking talking talking never doing what I'm supposed to do. Talk about going to other places, towns, cities, what more to say countries. Pahh, when its right here infront of me, why is it so hard just to open my mouth? Sometimes, it makes me think if music can speak for itself. Then again..... meh, I don't know.

Anyhoo, back to the landslides, the second one along the road in front of Grand Palace Hotel, carried away a few houses. Don't think there were any casualties though. I think they evacuated (is that the word?) about 300plus people from there.

Speaking of evacuation, I CAN'T BELIEVE ROGER DIED ON THE LAST DAY OF EVACUATIONNNNNNN!!!!!! I just watched The Atonement yesterday. Yes, thank you Mama it is a good movie i loved it love you too. Mannnnnn.. Brionyyyyyy whyyyyyyy????? Wuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwu.. ='(

Sorry, back to the landslides. So.. the soil softened and all? Yup, and since the beloved church building is atop Canada Hill, the road going up has started sinking as well and to think of all those cars that were to go up on Sunday service. Eih.. HENCE, the service was moved to Dynasty which I think was so cool because we had to move all the music instruments and carry it to the first floor we looked like we were going on tour mahahahaha. And we're doing it again next week and most probably the next and the next and the next until whenever its safe to go up the hill again. Which now kinda makes me appreciate the church building, unlike some congregations who have their services in hotel ballrooms. I can't imagine how week in week out they carry their instruments, set up their stage, lighting, sound system and all. Salute. I'm sort of looking forward to next week's service at Parkcity =)

You know, sometimes after that alone time in your bedroom just talking to God does some good. Ok la not sometimes, I guess all the time but sometimes it's better. Am I making any sense? Anyway, I just think it's cool how when we're in so deep in our own troubles and distress and when we come to God, somehow the worry isn't there anymore. When through prayer, we learn to put our trust in God, we have peace. I have this funny mentality that a Christian life is supposed to be a perfect life as in God is always there to protect you so there's no such thing as hardships anymore. And when I look back at all those rantings on my own blog, I feel so stupid and childish for even wanting to post it up for the world to see. I think, even after all these years of knowing Him, I'm slowly beginning to understand that it's not like that. My life is just like everyone else's. If I hide these things, and keep it bottled up all to myself, am I denying that I'm human? Aih.. I don't like it when I start thinking deep. Then again, is this deep? Or maybe I'm just shallow. Hmmm...Ah. I've always been trying to put aside the thought that there are 'things' around that may not want me to get closer to God. I never liked the thought of spiritual warfare. But it's there, yaknw? Yala.. I'm just glad that God still chooses to speak to me even when sometimes I may be down right stubborn.

I remember I wanted to say something else as well but the thought kinda slipped my mind. Mehh.. then again, this post is probably the longest I've written and should probably stop here.

Ah yes, I think I remember. I love God despite the things He lets me go through. And I'll just echo Michelle here, I'm human no robot. And that Invisible Children is a must watch documentary. And that right now, from way way way way down, I'm utterly grateful for being single. Don't ask. AND that I'm annoyed at Malaysian universities because NONE of them have replied my emails. Haiyaaaaah...

Yes.. that's it.



=)

Word-roll

love.
freedom.
forgiveness.
repentance.
obedience.
fear.
sovereignty.
unity.
service.


God is so good at making me gawk speechless

I think I'm in love again...

=)

I wanna go

Ahh Keane thank you for this post.

I was just chatting with Esther on the phone two days ago... I think. We were talking about the exact same thing. I mentioned that there were too many kids out there who are dying, who don't have parents, don't have anything. There are too many out there who go unnoticed.

We can be so selfish at times going on living our lives so carelessly. If we had the ability to change someone's life, to give them a new direction (Well, God does that but you know what I mean), and to see them turn to God at the same time (!!!!!) then why not right??

I think I get it now why some missionaries don't retire. 60, 70, 80 years old and they're still going on strong. I don't think it's easy living in the mission field but how much more joy would there be in that than to work for ourselves to have an easy-going life. I hope that didn't come as an offense to anyone, it's not wrong to work. It makes the world go round. Then again, I've never been in the mission field, I'm still living off my parents, I don't work. I probably don't know what I'm talking about.

But nonetheless.. I would really really like to have the chance one day to see what it's like. To see God work in the worst of situations. To see people who are in real need.

Untitled. Just read =)

I got the new Hillsong This is Our God album and I instantly fell in love with two songs from it, Desert Song and Healer. Occasionally, I would go online to look for lyrics of songs I like. I didn't manage to find them, probably because the album's not even out yet and I own the pirated copy.. ahah! But anyway, as I was doing this I checked out their links in youtube.com, and boy did it blow my mind away.

The first thing that came to my mind was, how cool it is that God doesn't say only the better off in life-never emo type can go to the front line for Him. Jill McCloghry sang together with Brooke Fraser for the Desert Song, and just hearing her testimony almost put me to tears. It made me realize that there are so many people around me that say they don't want to do this and that for God simply because they're not good enough. In fact, that used to be me not too long ago. She is an anointed worship leader, sings Christian albums, that whole package, and through that season of loss in her life, she had also felt that emptiness and numbness that any one of us would have felt. And yet she chose to overcome that and stand in the front line to glorify the God that let all that happen to make her realize that HE IS GOD.





And then there's Mike Guglielmucci, a great testimony on its own. Singing up there with all these medical stuff hanging off him and actually not being allowed to stand up in case his ribs break, which have apparently happened a few times already. He keeps going up there declaring God.





They're not much different than you and I, but this is the life they chose. They chose to live a life that glorified God no matter how hard their trials or pains were.

God didn't need us to make Him great, but He made us anyway.
And that alone is our reason to live.

I...

need a break

from everything

I'm tired

GGGRAGHHHGH

I don't like it when I want to do something that I know I most probably can't. Seeing so many other people having the same dreams as me actually achieving it.. and I'm left behind. Partly my fault as well but still... I don't like the feeling. This is my last chance to prove myself but there's no motivation. SIGH. What am I doing here?

God, help me see what's there for me..

Part of Life

We had an educational fair kinda thing in school today. Before that, I was in class talking to Ieqa, Azam and Arvin about our plans for the future. It got me thinking that, hey, we're gonna be in college in a few months time. It seemed like only yesterday when we were still playing those clapping games in class during Form 1 (yes, form 1). I still remember my classmates from a few years back and am really grateful that i got to see them change and grow into maturity, even though some of us aren't quite mentally here yet =p

Today was the last day of Chemistry tuition for some of us. No more being the noisiest table throughout the year, no more stupid jokes, no more making fun of the teachers behind their backs. Next year will be a new bunch of friends, new surroundings for us who will be leaving Miri, a whole new level. Just kinda sad to leave that all behind.

Only a few days ago, I was chatting with a childhood buddy, Christon, who's over in Kedah now (I think). We were talking about how we used to be as kids many years ago. How i used to bully him and stuff, heheh! It wasn't too long ago we were chasing each other around the house, painting eggs for Easter, comparing whose feet were bigger.. err. Heh. It's cool to see how far we are in life now.

A lot of people have asked me 'So, where will you be next year?' Honestly, i still don't know. There's a chance for me to be in KL, i could be staying in Miri. Wherever it is, i know i'm going to be where God wants me to be. My classmate, Greg talked to me today and he said something about being a missionary. Well, why not right? But even going to college is almost like going to any other country doing God's work. I believe we're all put where we are today for a reason. Where we will be next year will be God's plan for us. In fact, we were all called to be missionaries in one way or another. Missionaries in school, in our work place. Everywhere we go there are people who don't know Him and these are the people we need to reach out to. One thing that i regret the most is not talking to my friends in school about Jesus Christ. Now, i only have less than 3 weeks left with them and everyone is so busy preparing for SPM. The only thing i can pray for is an opportunity to share with just one person about Jesus' love for us even in this short period of time that's left.

Chance gone

My heart fell like a brick. Maybe i should have said something. The chance to take was always there, since years ago. I pushed it away until the very last minute. And now i can't get that chance back.





I should have said something. ARghHHHHHH!!!!!!!

This crushed me. No other comment.

Letting it out

It's true, I cant choose what I want to live with. I thank God He lets me face the problems that I do today. I may fail Him in many ways, my human feelings can get in the way of what He wants best for me, but that's ok. He'll help me get through it. Thank God for the wonderful friends I have around me. Without their love and support, I'd be almost nothing. Even if they don't say anything, just being there to lend an ear is enough, more than enough. For those who know me, I don't really like to tell people about my problems, the ones that really hurt me. But, recently, I've learnt that it's ok to cry once in a while. Everyone needs to. Above all, i have learnt that Jesus is always the one that's always ready to hear, always willing to keep me company in my days of trouble.

Even people (or person) in school are (is) giving me problems. It's not that it's entirely her fault, just that it's hard to love her with the love Christ shared with me despite all the lies and the hurt she has caused. I know i shouldn't be the way I am to her now. Especially with everyone else saying things about her, which I think I initiated in the first place *guilty* But she just makes me so MAD! sigh. Well, I am trying my best even though she really gets me so fired up at times.

We're all human. We aint perfect, which is the exact reason why we need God.

Conclusion: We can't get anywhere in life if Jesus isn't in it!